When You’re In A Good Relationship, You Learn These 10 Things

I’d had serious relationships before meeting my fiance, with a couple lasting for years. I thought I was an adult; I thought I knew how to be a great girlfriend. Meeting someone I had a serious connection with taught me that nothing I had experienced before was real. True love feels different than casual relationships – even if those relationships lasted for years (often well past their expiration date!). When you’re in a good relationship, you learn things. You act differently; you think as part of a team, not as an individual making your way through the world. You’ll be more understanding and accepting of your partner, instead of just getting frustrated with them like you may have with past relationships.

1. Misunderstandings are inevitable.

Misunderstandings are going to happen. If you take your partner’s words one way, then learn they meant something totally different, don’t punish them. Let it go. Bringing it up all the time is only going to bruise the relationship and cause communication problems later. Sometimes what you say or do will be taken the wrong way, and you’ll get frustrated that your partner doesn’t understand. Take a step back and realize it’s not a big deal. Misunderstandings are made to be swept under the rug because they’re so minor. They only become problems if you let them grow bigger and mean more in the scope of your relationship. Be laid back and forgive misunderstandings.

2. Learn to trust them.

You have to trust your partner. Why would you share your life with someone when you think they’re doing something wrong every time you turn your back? If you don’t trust your partner to be faithful, honest, caring, or anything else, then you’re not in a good relationship. The best relationships begin with a deep trust, and even if problems come up (and they will!), the trust is strong enough to keep you together.

3. Let yourselves miss each other.

You’re in love, so you want to be together all the time! It’s so fun to cuddle all night and be together all day, but when will you have time to experience different things? When you go to separate workplaces or schools, you experience things that will give you something to talk about later. When you go out with your friends and your partner spends time with theirs, you have time and space to yourself and come back to each other refreshed. You have a chance to miss each other, and it helps you really understand the value of your relationship. Missing someone is great because getting to see them after that period will make you so happy and so sure of your relationship.

4. Encourage growth and change.

In a good relationship, both partners are encouraged to grow and change. You have one life to live – you should explore it to the fullest! If you want to quit your job and go back to school, your partner should support you. If you want to try something new or go back to something old, you should find support in your relationship. And you should give this support in return. Encourage your partner to explore hobbies and interests and meet new people. If you want your partner to stay the same, you’re going to have a very boring life together.

5. Compromising doesn’t mean you’re weak.

Compromising doesn’t mean “giving in.” It doesn’t mean that you’ve lost the fight. In fact, it’s the opposite. Do you know how hard it is to compromise sometimes? You want your way because it sounds right and makes sense to you. Your partner is way off base with their suggestions. Take a step back and look at the argument diplomatically. What’s the logical conclusion? If your partner is right, don’t be afraid to say so. Accept their way, or modify both of your solutions to be half and half. The important thing is not getting your way, it’s staying in your relationship and helping it grow. Compromising will definitely help your relationship grow.

6. Admit your weaknesses.

Your partner doesn’t expect you to be a superhero, and hopefully you don’t expect that of them! We’re all human; we all have flaws. It’s ok to let these show. In fact, to have a stable, serious relationship, you need to let your weaknesses be known. Your partner will be more sensitive to things that bother you, and can help build you up in areas where you need some help.

7. Sometimes you can only accept things, not fix them.

People have baggage. You have some. Your partner has some. Can you go back and erase all of this? Nope! You’re stuck with it, and have to learn to deal with it. Some things are easier to get over than others, but the reality is that sometimes, you can’t fix things. You can’t make problems go away. You have to accept them and get over them and move on, or else your relationship will crumble.

8. Forgive quickly and truly.

Whenever you have a fight, don’t worry about who wins or who loses. Learn from the fight – from what was said as much as from how it was resolved. Once you learn from a fight, you can apply that lesson to your relationship to avoid trouble later. That’s all well and good, but you’re not done! Forgive your partner! Forgive yourself. The fight is over, you’re past it, now let it go. Never hold anything against your partner because the resentment will build until you don’t want to be with them.

9. Never expect anything.

Don’t expect your partner to read your mind, or to bring you breakfast in bed, or to offer to wash the dishes. It’s not going to happen. You can’t expect anything from anyone – you have to make it known. Communicate. Make sure your partner knows what you expect from the relationship, as well as your opinions on a wide variety of issues. This will help them act considerate towards you, but still – don’t expect anything!

10. Show your feelings.

The worst thing you can do in a relationship is play games. Don’t tease your partner; don’t “reward” good deeds with love and affection. You have to make sure your partner always feels loved. You can be happy with them or be mad at them – it doesn’t matter – they just need to feel loved. They need to know your feelings in the moment as well, don’t get me wrong. But make sure you’re showing your feelings in a way that they won’t be misunderstood (back to #1!)

S.M.A.R.T

Make your goal focused and well-defined. A specific goal has a much greater chance of being accomplished than a general goal.

Draft realistic goals. Based on the present restrictions such as your schedule, workload, and knowledge, do you believe you can attain the objective you set? If not, then set a different goal, one that is attainable for you in the present.

Make the goal relevant to your life's reality. For instance, if a weight-loss buddy thinks your goal should be to compete in a ballroom dancing competition, but you hate ballroom dancing and have stage fright, choose a different goal.

• List down the important milestones along the way to your target. You can pair each milestone with a reward.
• Remember, your goal will be attainable if you truly believe that it can be accomplished.
• Try making a list of people, things and general resources you'll need to achieve your goal.
• Use the power of visualization. What would it feel like to taste, smell, touch your goal?

How to Fill Your Free Time With Useful Things

Make a plan for your free time. Free time will only become useful to you if you've focused on how you'd like to use it. Simply expecting free time to turn productive, creative, or fulfilling won't bring it about because you haven't thought about the process needed to fill that time effectively.

• Your first realization should be that it is up to you to "do something" about making your free time work better for you; it isn't going to come from somewhere or someone else, only from your choice to make it useful time.
• Your second realization is to make up your own mind as to what you define as "useful". Relaxing, doing nothing, rejuvenating, and thinking are all "useful" activities if they lead to a better, more fulfilled life. Don't couch your "usefulness" in terms of what you think you ought to be doing but what you know will make you feel more productive, engaged and contented in life. Here are some possible planning ways for you:
• Write down a list of the things you'd like to be doing in your free time. You can rank it any way you like, or treat everything as equally important on it; that's up to you.
• Keep a journal about your life and include how you'd like your life to be. Be sure to describe the activities you're trying out in your free time, so that you can evaluate whether or not they are worth continuing to do.
• Create a visualization board that sets out the ways in which you'd like to spend future free time.

Guard your free time from unnecessary stress. If you want your free time to be truly useful, don't allow non-free time things to bleed into it. The reason for this is that your free time is needed to refresh you and improve your energy, your creativity, and your sense of self. If you let the usual mundane activities of everyday life creep into your free time under the pretense of being "useful," you won't gain anything from your free time and you will have very loose boundaries between free time and the rest of your time, thereby devaluing your free time.

• Some of the things that it is suggested you don't do during free time include your usual work or chores, answering emails and voice messages, watching TV, constant action (free time needs to include some spaces for daydreaming and reflection), and playing with electronics if you tend to lose your sense of time with "gamer brain." Instead, set aside "catching up on work time," "internet time," and "responding to emails time" as distinct and separate activities from your free time.

Expand your comfort zone. A great way to use free time usefully is to discover new things and to find out that you have dimensions to yourself that you weren't even aware of before. By stepping beyond your usual comfort zone, your free time becomes a journey of self-discovery and helps you to grow. Moreover, it helps you to stay interested by sparking your curiosity and broadening your awareness. Some things you might consider doing to expand your comfort zone include:

• Try new things that you've always wanted to try but make excuses for not doing, including by saying you haven't "got the time" – use your free time!
• Do things you loved doing 10 years ago but have let go by the wayside since. Pick them up again and see where they take you this time. It will probably feel odd getting used to something you haven't tried for ages and possibly time has caused things to change considerably but enjoy the challenge involved in renewing your interest.
• Write down the things that excite and energize you. Look for activities and experiences that will bring this about for you.
• Consider some of the following hobbies that you can get started on your own: teaching yourself a new computer programming language, learning a new foreign language, writing a book/short story/play, making jewelry, graphic designing, amateur photography, learning a new type of dancing (pole dancing, belly dancing, zumba, tap, jazz, etc.), cooking or baking, teaching private classes on something you already love doing.

Change your approach to media usage. Turn off the TV and leave it out of your free time. Think about creative ways to use media in your free time instead. The Internet allows us to be in charge of the input that is circulated through media, providing you with ample opportunities for turning your free time into a useful means for getting out creative, practical, or informative messages that you'd like to share with the world.

• How about creating a video that highlights something you're passionate or concerned about, and then setting it free on YouTube? Or perhaps you can write some poems or short stories, and add them to an online portfolio. Or if you're passionate about fashion, piece together some eye-catching pieces, find a model, and create your own fashion blog. Maybe music is more your thing and you'd like to compose a song and share it with people online. These useful uses of your free time will tap into your creativity and give other people something they can cherish, enjoy, or learn from as a result - a win all around!

Volunteer. If you've already volunteered, you'll be aware of the benefits it can bring. If you have enough free time to give of your time to others in need, this can be a very fulfilling way to give back to your community or society. And even better – you get to choose what to volunteer in according to what you believe in, and what you think is most important. Search for volunteer opportunities through asking people you know who already volunteer, by searching online or in the volunteer pages, or asking people who work in places you'd like to volunteer for. Whatever your level of experience, there is likely to be a volunteer opportunity for you and with time, you can build knowledge, expertise, and reputation through volunteering and find it becomes an incredibly fulfilling experience that helps many others.

• Some ideas for volunteering include web work/newsletters/wikis for charities, thrift store helping, fundraising, soup kitchens or cooking/catering, animal work (wildlife reserves, zoos, animal rescue or training, etc.), joining a conservation crew, volunteering overseas, making things for people in need, and running a club's museum/display/tour activities.
• Volunteer as much or as little as you like. You're giving up your free time for a worthy cause, so you should enjoy it. Even consider volunteering in different places at different times, to give yourself some variety in both experience and the people you meet.

Consider downsizing and reorienting your lifestyle. If you find your free time has been hampered by having to deal with a large house and all its maintenance and cleaning, gain more free time by removing the clutter and even consider purchasing a smaller residence. Perhaps move closer to a place where there are plenty of activities that you'd rather be doing and that are not on offer where you currently live to make up for a smaller residence.

• It can take months to clear long-accumulated clutter from your life. Give yourself the time but also set a deadline by which everything is to be sorted and out of your life for good.
• Hold garage and yard sales to get rid of things you no longer need to keep. The money can go toward your free time activities.
• Avoid seeing downsizing as depriving yourself of a certain standard of living. Once you've freed yourself of high-maintenance requirements, you'll soon learn that the additional free time you've earned is worth a great deal more.
• Some organizations like the I.R.S. (USA) require that you save financial papers going back 7 years, so don't declutter paperwork without looking at it first.
• Shred paperwork with personal information such as Social Security numbers or bank account numbers before tossing, to prevent identity theft.

Learn for the sake of learning. School, college, university, and continued learning on-the-job are usually focused on getting us into gainful employment. Sometimes learning for the sake of learning is lost underneath all the deadlines, necessities for grades, and fears of keeping jobs. Learning within free time can be free of these constrictions and can be completely different from our chosen professional path in life, free from the usual reason of honing skills to a specific job or promotion. Always fancied yourself getting involved in archaeology, ballroom dancing, jewelry making, wilderness first aid, or hang-gliding? Use free time to immerse yourself into learning these things for the sake of learning them, without having the pressure to achieve beyond the goals you've set for yourself.

• Even consider going back to college to broaden your knowledge.
• Ironically, even though this type of learning may seem unrelated to what you do in the rest of your life, it will still be beneficial because it increases your ability to understand the world better, provides you with new ways of seeing things, and equips you with new skills that may well be applicable laterally, allowing you to "think outside the box" and come up with new, creative solutions to your everyday activities.

Indulge your hobby or pastime. Free time is an excuse to get fully involved in doing something that you consider to be a hobby or pastime. Hobbies are useful because they give you the opportunity to expand knowledge, improve skills, and to be focused, diligent, and switched on. Moreover, a hobby allows you to enjoy yourself as you immerse yourself in the intricacies of it. Be sure to reach out to others in the same hobby so that you can connect, share ideas, and brag. This is one area where showing off now and then does no harm provided it's all in good fun and you return the favor by complimentingthe efforts of others in your hobby, too.

• Even within one hobby, there are many roads to take to keep yourself occupied. For example, art and craft is a filled with ideas for possible hobby angles; within painting alone you could investigate acrylics, enamel, encaustic (wax), frescoes, gouache, inks, oils, heat-set oils, water miscible oils, pastels and dry pastels, oil pastels, pastel pencils, spray paint (graffiti), tempera, watercolor, sketching.

Turn cooking and gardening into joys instead of chores. These two activities can be a burden or a major source of therapeutic unwinding and inner joy; it really depends on how you approach them and giving yourself free time to explore them will open up the possibilities for seeing them as useful and enjoyable things to do in place of a chore.

• Pull out a cookbook and try some new recipes. Or look in your fridge and cupboards, then search online for a recipe that uses those very ingredients (for example, search for "broccoli pineapple jalapeño recipes"). Spend an afternoonbaking and learning how to use new techniques you've never tried before. Use your efforts to throw a casual dinner party for people you really care about.

Focus on your spirituality. Free time is the perfect time for all things spiritual because you give yourself the space to unwind, reflect, and think about the bigger picture and life's purpose. Whether or not you're religious, spiritual time is an essential part of being human, and tending to this side of yourself is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself. There are many paths to learn about and acknowledge your spiritual self and you can begin by reading and learning all you can. Other things you might like to consider doing with your free time to increase your spirituality include:

• Learn to meditate. Sit quietly for 20 minutes and breathe naturally. Count your breaths, up to 10, then start over again. The idea is to have something on which to focus, so that you stay holistically present and don't drift off mentally (which you will tend to do, by the way!). Centering prayer uses similar methods in a Christian context. After several weeks of daily prayer or prayer, you may begin to notice positive results in your life: more calmness, better concentration, more focus, more understanding of how negative the usual mental chatter can be.
• Join (or return to) a church, synagogue, mosque, or temple. This is a safe way to meet interesting people and to get involved in your community. (You don't even have to be all that religious if you aren't already – for instance, Unitarian Universalists, while coming from Christian roots, are known for welcoming and including people of other beliefs, including agnostics, atheists, pagans, free-thinkers, secular humanists, and liberals of all types.)

Get friendly. Finally, but most importantly, don't hide yourself away all the time when it comes to free time. Reach out to others and spend time with people you care about. Schedule regular get-togethers with friends, hang out spontaneously now and then, and catch up with family members you haven't seen for awhile to see how they're doing. Even if you're not keen on spending a lot of time socializing, build at least a small amount of it into your week to ensure that you're connecting with others in ways that are free of the constraints of time, obligations, and work/self-imposed deadlines, so that you have a chance to share ideas, have fun, and be re-energized through your connections.